Unconsolidated

Welcome friends and family, and maybe the one random who happened to stumble upon this blog. I decided to start a blog as a way to share with those who will listen about real life. It was a long process to try and decide what to name it, after all, I didn’t want to create a basic, cheesy, blog. Once I gave up on that dream a little, I settled on unconsolidated life. You might be wondering why? To explain if fully will require a brief lesson in political science from a book I “read” for class.

In said book, Linz and Stepan, describe a few ways to classify governments, specifically democracies. They can be non-democracies (think North Korea, Stalin, etc.), unconsolidated democracies (Afghanistan, Thailand, etc.) and consolidated democracies (USA, UK, etc.). Non-democracies don’t want to be democracies. They are happy using a system of government that usually hurts the citizens. They don’t want to follow the path that has been proven to create a better country. On the opposite end, consolidated democracies have their crap together. Their government is effective (for the most part). The laws in the country that are followed, elections are free and fair, etc.

That leaves unconsolidated democracies. They are the messy ones in the middle. They really want to be a democracy, and have taken steps toward it, but are stuck. They are trapped in a cycle of broken elections, corrupt bureaucracies, and ineffective government. Often, the citizens want to go back to the oppressive non-democracy because it at least looked and felt better. The only way most unconsolidated democracies become consolidated is through international intervention.

 

I am the definition of an unconsolidated democracy. I’m stuck in the middle of a lot of things. I’m the middle child. I’m in the middle of my college years. I’m in the middle of grieving the loss of my little brother, Ethan. I’m in the middle of fighting an eating disorder. I’m in the middle. And I’m stuck. I don’t know how live with the pain of losing my brother. I don’t know how to make myself eat. I am in desperate need of international intervention.

 

So why talk publicly about this?

Because it’s honest. So often we talk about struggles in the past. The classic, “yeah is was hard, but I look at how I am completely healed by the Lord.” It’s easy to look at the dirtiness in the past after we’ve been washed and are standing in the sun drying off. It’s harder to say “yeah, I’m messy and disgusting and am still there.” It’s hard to admit we are standing in the pile of mud and can’t get out. It’s hard to ask for help. I hate it. I don’t want to be here. It hurts to be unconsolidated, and sometimes I’d rather run back. But in acknowledging it, I can be honest, and can invite people into the pain and allow God’s work to be on display.

All that being said, I have no idea where this blog will go. I’m painfully unconsolidated and don’t know what my next move is, all I know is that I’m going to do my best to be honest. To invite people into the mess. After all, that’s what we are called to do in Thessalonians 2:8

“so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.”

….. here’s my life, so that you might see the gospel at work.

 

7 Comment

  1. Nana says: Reply

    You’re an amazing granddaughter and an amazing Woman.

    1. Ja, aber ich mag keine Terry Gilliam Filme. Und ich hasse SciFi. Und dann noch Bruce Willis, den braucht doch auch kein Mensch!

    2. Excellent goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you’re just too great. I really like what you have acquired here, really like what you are saying and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it wise. I can’t wait to read much more from you. This is actually a great web site.

  2. Aunt Marcia says: Reply

    You have the strength and ability to work through all your difficulties. I have all the faith in the world that you will exceed and excell.

  3. Rachel says: Reply

    I’m proud of your courage, and look forward to following and supporting your progress. Love you.

  4. Kristina says: Reply

    So much courage!

  5. Natalie says: Reply

    Only the truly brave can walk in the full light of day uncovered, fully exposed, nakedly honest…you are brave!

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