Choosing Joy.

“Wow, you’re life is a mess”

The honest words from a true friend after I had updated her on my life.

 

At first, I wanted to be offended by that. But, I mean, it’s true. My life is a joke right now. I am taking 18 credits after just barely being allowed to come back, I work, I lead YL, Ethan died less than a year ago, I’m attempting to fight an eating disorder that seems stronger than ever and to add to all of that, I have been hurt by some people that I trusted the most in the past few weeks.

My life is actually falling apart.

Even in the midst of this, I don’t feel overwhelmed. I don’t feel hopeless. I am choosing joy.

What does it mean to be “choosing joy?”

Let’s break it down:

Well, first it is a choice. I have the option, I am not forced. I do not need to choose it and no one else has the power to force me to do it.

The -ing means its ongoing. I have not chosen joy, I am not going to choose joy. I’m choosing it, constantly. I have to remind myself over and over and over. I make the decision every moment of every day.

Finally, joy. It is not happiness. Happiness is a fleeting emotion that is dependent on your surroundings. If I had to choose happiness I would be screwed. No one would be happy living my life, and no one should. Joy is not dependent on your surroundings. Recently, I was reminded joy is just being aware of God’s grace. Because it is not dependent on my circumstances it is always an option (PTL).

Choosing joy means choosing to believe that Christ really is enough.

Here is what it does not mean (I get this confused all the time):

It is not ignoring my feelings. It is not trying to pull myself together and hold it all in, or smiling when all I really want to do is cry. Its not living in a false reality. It is not just being fine.

 

Anyone who knows me knows I am really bad at choosing joy, but its fine (see what I did there?!). I know that God is good and Jesus really is enough for me, even when I am really really bad at remembering that…which makes it truly fine.

4 Comment

  1. Diane says: Reply

    I always find it remarkable when someone so young expresses such wise thoughts. My daughter does it as well, often. I am glad you’re choosing joy. I try every day as well. I hope you keep doing it. Every day. One day at a time. And I hope you keep writing. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Chris says: Reply

    I’m glad you’re persevering through this season. Even when we know our trials are temporary, they are still hard. Crazy hard sometimes, and you’ve gotten a double dose of hard lately. God always brings beauty out of ashes, when we let HIm, and I am convinced that He will use your experiences to bring HIm glory in a big, beautiful, glorious way! XOXO

  3. Kristina says: Reply

    “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
    ‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

  4. YGG. you are my late night inspiration homegurl. rock on

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